got this email from my brother last night..... hes a head and neck dr in a hospital on the outskirts of manchester. this is just one of the nut job patients he got!

Hey bro, hope finger not fallen off yet. Classic gun story for you. You know i'm always saying how my wards always full off complete retards, well check this guy out. Attended A&E on saturday night with about 4 inch long grooves in his cheek apparently handcuffed to the biggest mofo of a copper you've ever seen. On questioning said superstar it is revealed that he has recently tried to commit suicide with a double barrel shotgun, but as you know, due to the excessive length of the barrel you cant pull the trigger with your finger so this muppet tried using his foot. Best bit apparently, was when my consultant (who is almost as sarky as you) turned up and came out with two classics:

1."Another half inch to the left and you'd have missed altogether!!"

Which was surpassed by:

2."You should have taken your shoe off and used your big toe, its much easier than doing it with your shoes on" only for said massive f*** off copper to then come out with, "Thanks for that, the daft prick won't tell us where he's put the gun and the other barrels still loaded!"

To make matters worse, when he rang the on-call shrink to get the guy sectioned, the empty head replied "He missed, so he couldn't have been that serious about killing himself in the first place!"

How serious do you have to be? Personally i think its a bit late if your heads in bits in a bucket!!!