Thick Leather off-cut for sale -- (spoof advert FFS!:D)

[DCL_dave]

I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

Wrist thing for drummery?...
Arm brace for archery?...
Arse paddle for paddling arses!
War gusset for christ knows what!
Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
Mr P Roper-Berk,

[D10bore]

So funny

[WILBA]

[DCL_dave]

The item has sold by PM...thank you.

[Binners]

I could have used that, but the holes were too big

[Garvin]

Brilliant, Dave.

Loads of breach seals left in that.

[ggggr]

I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

Wrist thing for drummery?...
Arm brace for archery?...
Arse paddle for paddling arses!
War gusset for christ knows what!
Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
Mr P Roper-Berk,

I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.

[DCL_dave]

I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.

Guy, I agree with you entirely...it's all your fault, and I must admit that it's nice to see someone own-up and take responsibilty for their actions!...

Your apple smacker or "pommel te derriere" will be ready this week.

[VALE BOY]

Utterly hilarious Dave... With your choice of terminology and context it's well worthy of inclusion in the 'Small Ads' of Viz magazine ...👍😎

[ggggr]

I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

Wrist thing for drummery?...
Arm brace for archery?...
Arse paddle for paddling arses!
War gusset for christ knows what!
Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
Mr P Roper-Berk,

Dave sent me one of his "Arse paddle" off cuts recently and I have found it very useful, although is is now in pieces. ( My self flagellation seems to involve a table full of crap pistols that need repairing)
2 pieces are now under the feet of the punchbag stand and cut down on the noise of the weights rattling when you hit the bag. The other piece was cut to fit the palm of my hand and used for cocking gats I don't need it but will be giving the GAT PAD away with the Tin gripped Diana gat.
So ther you are Dave-if there is not much interest in the arse paddles, you will have plenty of GAT PADS.

[artschool]

I need one as a cover for my new camera.