Thick Leather off-cut for sale -- (spoof advert FFS!:D)

**DCL_dave** · 19-01-2018, 08:18 AM

I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

Wrist thing for drummery?...
Arm brace for archery?...
Arse paddle for paddling arses!
War gusset for christ knows what!
Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
Mr P Roper-Berk,

**D10bore** · 19-01-2018, 08:57 AM

So funny

**WILBA** · 19-01-2018, 09:10 AM

**DCL_dave** · 19-01-2018, 12:14 PM

The item has sold by PM...thank you.

**Binners** · 19-01-2018, 12:18 PM

I could have used that, but the holes were too big

**Garvin** · 19-01-2018, 12:29 PM

Brilliant, Dave.

Loads of breach seals left in that.

**DCL_dave** · 19-01-2018, 12:33 PM

I am not at liberty to divulge the new owner or the purpose for which he bought it...All I can allude to is simple text message that went like this...

Binners - "that looks interesting so I'll have it please...how did you make it?"

Me - "It's yours then mate...and it is just a by-product I cut a load of 1/2" breech seals from a thick piece of leather and this is whats left...what do you want it for? "

Binners - "once more onto the breech, dear friend "

**Binners** · 19-01-2018, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by DCL_dave

I am not at liberty to divulge the new owner or the purpose for which he bought it...All I can allude to is simple text message that went like this...

Binners - "that looks interesting so I'll have it please...how did you make it?"

Me - "It's yours then mate...and it is just a by-product I cut a load of 1/2" breech seals from a thick piece of leather and this is whats left...what do you want it for? "

Binners - "once more onto the breech, dear friend "

Ah, only 1/2'' holes eh, OK I'll take it but, I will need a squirt of Neatsfoot as a lube

**le frelon** · 19-01-2018, 03:43 PM

That looks remarkably like the sample for the Army Intelligence Unit design for a fast entry parachute canopy.

Carl

**DCL_dave** · 20-01-2018, 02:00 AM

Gentlemen, I'm sold out for now but will have more leather off-cuts asap...so will try to fullfill all requests for "wrist bands" and "archery braces" (...and I do agree, string rash is a bitch) "Cannon viewers" and medievil "war gussets" for re-enactments, or in the case of the latest sales/enquiries "whack-A-mole play mats" and "rapid descenters"...please could you stop PM'ing me as my inbox is full!...thank you.

**Rickenbacker** · 20-01-2018, 02:28 AM

"Cannon viewer"

That's a blast from the past, for sure.

Was he the fat **** in a wheelchair?

**DCL_dave** · 20-01-2018, 02:35 AM

Originally Posted by Rickenbacker

"Cannon viewer"

That's a blast from the past, for sure.

Was he the fat **** in a wheelchair?

Nah, that was Ironside...and yes I did have to youtube for which one it was as I couldn't quite remember...but it turns out that it is also handy for Quincy too!

**Rickenbacker** · 20-01-2018, 02:40 AM

Originally Posted by DCL_dave

Nah, that was Ironside...and yes I did have to youtube for which one it was as I couldn't quite remember...but it turns out that it is also handy for Quincy too!

So I was half right!

Quincy - Pervy old doctor with a nose you could hide under??

**ggggr** · 20-01-2018, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by DCL_dave

I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

Wrist thing for drummery?...
Arm brace for archery?...
Arse paddle for paddling arses!
War gusset for christ knows what!
Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
Mr P Roper-Berk,

I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine

Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.

**DCL_dave** · 20-01-2018, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by ggggr

I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine

Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.

Guy, I agree with you entirely...it's all your fault, and I must admit that it's nice to see someone own-up and take responsibilty for their actions!...

Your apple smacker or "pommel te derriere" will be ready this week.

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