Thick Leather off-cut for sale -- (spoof advert FFS!:D)

[ggggr]

I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

Wrist thing for drummery?...
Arm brace for archery?...
Arse paddle for paddling arses!
War gusset for christ knows what!
Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
Mr P Roper-Berk,

I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.

[DCL_dave]

I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.

Guy, I agree with you entirely...it's all your fault, and I must admit that it's nice to see someone own-up and take responsibilty for their actions!...

Your apple smacker or "pommel te derriere" will be ready this week.

[VALE BOY]

Utterly hilarious Dave... With your choice of terminology and context it's well worthy of inclusion in the 'Small Ads' of Viz magazine ...👍😎