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Thread: Thick Leather off-cut for sale -- (spoof advert FFS!:D)

  1. 19-01-2018, 08:18 AM #1
    DCL_dave's Avatar
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    Thick Leather off-cut for sale -- (spoof advert FFS!:D)

    I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

    For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

    http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

    Wrist thing for drummery?...
    Arm brace for archery?...
    Arse paddle for paddling arses!
    War gusset for christ knows what!
    Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

    Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

    I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
    Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

    ...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
    Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

    I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
    Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

    I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
    S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

    I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
    Mr P Roper-Berk,
    blah blah
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  2. 19-01-2018, 08:57 AM #2
    D10bore
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    So funny
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  3. 19-01-2018, 09:10 AM #3
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  4. 19-01-2018, 12:14 PM #4
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    The item has sold by PM...thank you.
    blah blah
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  5. 19-01-2018, 12:18 PM #5
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    I could have used that, but the holes were too big
    See you 8th December

    http://kemptonclassicarmsfair.co.uk/
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  6. 19-01-2018, 12:29 PM #6
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    Brilliant, Dave.

    Loads of breach seals left in that.
    Vintage Airguns Gallery
    ..Above link posted with permission from Gareth W-B
    In British slang an anorak is a person who has a very strong interest in niche subjects.
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  7. 19-01-2018, 12:33 PM #7
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    I am not at liberty to divulge the new owner or the purpose for which he bought it...All I can allude to is simple text message that went like this...

    Binners - "that looks interesting so I'll have it please...how did you make it?"

    Me - "It's yours then mate...and it is just a by-product I cut a load of 1/2" breech seals from a thick piece of leather and this is whats left...what do you want it for? "

    Binners - "once more onto the breech, dear friend "


    blah blah
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  8. 19-01-2018, 02:54 PM #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCL_dave View Post
    I am not at liberty to divulge the new owner or the purpose for which he bought it...All I can allude to is simple text message that went like this...

    Binners - "that looks interesting so I'll have it please...how did you make it?"

    Me - "It's yours then mate...and it is just a by-product I cut a load of 1/2" breech seals from a thick piece of leather and this is whats left...what do you want it for? "

    Binners - "once more onto the breech, dear friend "



    Ah, only 1/2'' holes eh, OK I'll take it but, I will need a squirt of Neatsfoot as a lube
    See you 8th December

    http://kemptonclassicarmsfair.co.uk/
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  9. 19-01-2018, 03:43 PM #9
    le frelon
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    That looks remarkably like the sample for the Army Intelligence Unit design for a fast entry parachute canopy.

    Carl
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  10. 20-01-2018, 02:00 AM #10
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    Gentlemen, I'm sold out for now but will have more leather off-cuts asap...so will try to fullfill all requests for "wrist bands" and "archery braces" (...and I do agree, string rash is a bitch) "Cannon viewers" and medievil "war gussets" for re-enactments, or in the case of the latest sales/enquiries "whack-A-mole play mats" and "rapid descenters"...please could you stop PM'ing me as my inbox is full!...thank you.

    blah blah
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  11. 20-01-2018, 02:28 AM #11
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    "Cannon viewer" That's a blast from the past, for sure. Was he the fat **** in a wheelchair?
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  12. 20-01-2018, 02:35 AM #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rickenbacker View Post
    "Cannon viewer" That's a blast from the past, for sure. Was he the fat **** in a wheelchair?
    Nah, that was Ironside...and yes I did have to youtube for which one it was as I couldn't quite remember...but it turns out that it is also handy for Quincy too!
    blah blah
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  13. 20-01-2018, 02:40 AM #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCL_dave View Post
    Nah, that was Ironside...and yes I did have to youtube for which one it was as I couldn't quite remember...but it turns out that it is also handy for Quincy too!
    So I was half right!

    Quincy - Pervy old doctor with a nose you could hide under??
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  14. 20-01-2018, 09:43 AM #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCL_dave View Post
    I'm hot for and me sales patter is flowing so...

    For sale...Gentlemen (and discerning ladies) I present to you a crafty opportunity with this new and improved "state of the arts" piece of 1/4" thick leather blank that has had a load of holes punched through it to make breech seals...but this off cut still has a multitude of potential uses...

    http://imageupload.co.uk/image/E1oR

    Wrist thing for drummery?...
    Arm brace for archery?...
    Arse paddle for paddling arses!
    War gusset for christ knows what!
    Cannon viewer - view everything as if it were part of the opening credits to 70's tv cop Cannon.

    Here are some testimonies received from happy customers!

    I made an arm brace protector for use in my hobby which is archery as I much prefer a heavier unventillated arse paddle.
    Mr P.I. Lowbiter, Hastings

    ...to test the theory that it would work well as an arse paddle, I snuck up on the missus and cracked her a good'un across the right arse cheek...she wheeled around and punched me square in the face!...I think our safe word is "do that again and I'll knock your effin lights out"
    Mr R Ingbit, Hull.

    I rivetted wings to mine to make for a stylish, ventilated and yet still discreetly armoured war gusset!
    Miss B.A.Talax, Grimbsy.

    I'm the drummer in a heavy metal band and so made cool wrist bands to drum with..I now look well-effin-hard...but seeing some of the comments makes me wish I made an arse paddle!...meh, thanks anyway man.
    S.Lacker, Dorset. - (this gentleman was a repeat customer)

    I'm forgetful...so I simply attach mine to my forehead with double sided tape when I want to remind myself that that great 70's cop show Cannon is about to start on the telly.
    Mr P Roper-Berk,
    I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.
    Cooler than Mace Windu with a FRO, walking into Members Only and saying "Bitches, be cool"
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  15. 20-01-2018, 05:03 PM #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by ggggr View Post
    I swear Dave was not this bad before the apple wine Cut a rectangular piece of that Dave, stick a battered handle on it and sell it on the bay as an "Antique paddle" . You can use the funds to but more leather for making washers.
    Guy, I agree with you entirely...it's all your fault, and I must admit that it's nice to see someone own-up and take responsibilty for their actions!...

    Your apple smacker or "pommel te derriere" will be ready this week.

    blah blah
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