Unbelievable quotes.....

[Craig-P]

We had a guy in a local pub tell us he was ex sas once. Said he should not be telling us as the iranians might come looking for him. Funny enough he was at the embassy siege so might know your bob

The amount of people who claim to have been on that balcony is amazing. I can therefore only imagine the SAS chartered the QE2 to drop them all off...

[Rickenbacker]

The amount of people who claim to have been on that balcony is amazing. I can therefore only imagine the SAS chartered the QE2 to drop them all off...

No mate, I know the bloke who worked on the Severn bridge tolls that night. He let them through in two black Range Rovers, on their way from Hereford to that London.

Keep that to yourself obviously mate.

[Craig-P]

No mate, I know the bloke who worked on the Severn bridge tolls that night. He let them through in two black Range Rovers, on their way from Hereford to that London.

Keep that to yourself obviously mate.

Ah I see, gotcha - nudge, nudge

[rabbitwrecker]

There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis...

[fozzy45]

What about the claim that a BSA meteor would send a pellet through both sides of a metal dustbin. ......because it had 2 springs in it. That was always a classic whenever someone was selling a gun back in the day.
Fozzy

[jeff0100]

There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis...

He can't be.. My brother's Elvis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlPwuz2p_qg

[El Garro]

Crazy power claims from back when no one had a chronograph.
Think it was the kettle and toaster page in Kays catalogue which was equal to 12 ft/lbs

[Archer50]

On the other hand, when my uncle was a young man, just after WW1, working as a shop assistant, he met a guy in a pub and they started chatting and got on really well, especially as they both liked their booze and were very keen on horse racing and what they then called "the fairer sex". "I'm ex-King Manuel of Portugal, out for an incognito evening" said the stranger, "give me your address and I'll be in touch, I'm looking for a secretary and you'd be just the man". "That's a coincidence" said my uncle, "because I'm Kaiser Wilhelm in disguise, so I need new job right now" and gave the stranger his address, never expecting to hear from him again. Well, as you've probably guessed, the stranger was ex-King Manuel and my uncle became his secretary and drinking companion until 'Manny' died in 1932. And, yes, we do have the evidence!

So not all bullsh*t stories are actually bullsh*t. Although this story isn't completely true - my uncle wasn't Kaiser Wilhelm....

Alan

[snock]

I once heard a guy tell a few gathered chaps that he ''once saw a flock of pigeons fly over his house, raced indoors, loaded up my shotgun, poked the barrels up the chimney, and shot 99 birds with both shots.''

Verbatim.

Idiot.

[Black Beard]

No mate, I know the bloke who worked on the Severn bridge tolls that night. He let them through in two black Range Rovers, on their way from Hereford to that London.

Keep that to yourself obviously mate.

The tolls are only on one side, going the other direction.

[Rickenbacker]

The tolls are only on one side, going the other direction.

I thought about that, Andy.

Years ago, the tolls were the other way (or might have even been both ways, I can't remember). I know they were the other way, because as a teenager, I remember the traffic queues backing up through Chepstow for the poor sods trying to get over to Weston Super Mud or down the South coast on bank holidays etc. The charge in them days was 20p.

Possible the embassy siege was at that time, before they changed the toll booths?

[madcarlos]

What about the claim that a BSA meteor would send a pellet through both sides of a metal dustbin. ......because it had 2 springs in it. That was always a classic whenever someone was selling a gun back in the day.
Fozzy

That was my relum, lol

[bozzer]

Loved the Bob story.

We've all heard the air rifle stories of rabbits shot at 200 yards right through the eye with a 0.22 Webley Vulcan.

We had a bloke in our office. Really intelligent guy but a tad weird. Aged late 30's and still living at home with his Mum n Dad. He bought an MGBGT. He lived about 10 - 15 mins drive down an A road dual carriageway from work, but he chose to start off driving in the other direction to pick up the M6. He then headed North on the M6 and exited at the next junction. This now actually took him way past the factory. He then picked up that same dual carriageway and drove back on himself to get to work. So his journey took over twice or three times as long, but he would storm into the office every morning and exclaim " The traffic on the commute on the motorway this morning was horrendous ".

This guy, bless him, wasn't a ... er ... handsome chap. He was about 5'1" and just a strange looking chap. Our office secretary had to have 6 months sick leave ( lady things ). So during that 6 months we had several young ( 18 - 20 ) stand in secretaries from an agency. All these girls were tidy looking lasses. After being there for a week or so each one would confide in me that this guy had pestered them to go out at lunch time and see his 'Sports car'. They'd kept putting it off but he was terribly insistent so they'd all agreed just to stop the pestering. At lunch he would take them out to his MGBGT and then open up the doors and the back and insist that the girls posed on the bonnet whilst he took a photo. He'd told them that he would give them a copy of the photo so they could show their mates that they had been in a classic sports car. They again tried to decline but he'd pestered again and feeling a tad uncomfortable being alone with him in the car park they'd agreed just so they could get back to the office.

Around the time the 6 months was up I was visited by a rep from a local company. He spotted this guy and they waved to each other as we left to go into a meeting in a private room. In the room this rep said to me " Hey ... he's a lad isn't he that guy. You'd never believe it to look at him ... but what a lady's man ". I asked him to explain. He said " Well ... he's a member of the local MGB Owners Club, as am I. The group meet regularly and he's been showing us the photos of the beautiful girls he's been sh**ging over the last 6 months, all sprawled across his MGBGT ".

This guy from our office started telling the most ridiculous stories. His stories just got more and more bizarre. They included his Great White Shark attack at Weston Super Mare ... his flight in an RAF fighter where he'd had to eject because a heat seeking missile had been tested and then the plane had overtaken the missile and the missile was then chasing the plane ... his Formula One experience when he'd been to watch a F3 race and he was chatting to a mechanic and had told the mechanic that he owned an MGBGT. The mechanic had said " Our driver isn't well ... I don't suppose with your experience of sports cars you could do us a favour and stand in for him and drive in tomorrow's F3 ". Of course he obliged and was involved in a high speed crash which he walked away from. He marched back to the pits and knocked this mechanic out with one punch for not preparing the car properly.

One of his favourites ( or probably mine ) was a story where he was on holiday somewhere on a river. He apparently owned a boat that he cruised around rivers on. He was on his boat and another boat owner said he was having problems with his boat and asked this guy, seeing as he was an experienced boating man, if he would mind taking his boat out and seeing if he knew what the problem was. So my man takes out this guy's boat ... on his own. I kid you not this is how he told the story to a room full of engineers ... I was cruising along the river and all was going well. I then remember a strong smell of fuel. I then remember a very loud 'BANG'. The next thing I know I'm waking up on the river bank surrounded by holiday makers and I'm naked. The boat had exploded, the explosion had blown all my clothes off and thrown me 50 metres onto the river bank. If that's the story he used when he was trying to mitigate in front of a local magistrate then fair play to the lad.

Each time he'd tell these stories he would leave the office and 5 educated engineers would literally collapse on the floor in fits of laughter.

Sad really. He clearly had some sort of problem. I actually used to hope that he didn't actually live at home with his Mum n Dad, but actually had a reasonable looking wife at home and each day he would go home and say " You won't believe the story that I've told the idiots in the office today and the gullible b*stards seemed to believe it ". Unfortunately, I think he was just a full on Walt.

[Craig-P]

They included his Great White Shark attack at Weston Super Mare ...

Brilliant. I’m actually jealous that I didn’t hear that myself. Tremendous

[bozzer]

Bizarrely, I think the Great White Shark story was the one that actually made most of us have sympathy with the lad.

He'd booked a fortnight off in the summer to go to Weston Super Mare with his Mum n Dad. He explained that the first day there he'd gone into the sea and then felt something grab his leg. He was then pulled through the water kicking and screaming. He eventually felt his leg be released. He made it out of the sea onto the beach and his right lower leg was pouring with blood. His calf muscle was hanging off. He then fainted and woke up in intensive care.

The docs explained that they'd had experts to look at his injuries and there was no doubt ... the bite pattern was a Great White Shark ( I know ... we were also thinking there aren't any Great White Sharks off Britain ).

He explained that he'd had reconstructive surgery on his leg and blood transfusions and so on. After two weeks he'd insisted he was released from hospital as he had to go back to work. The docs had told him there would be no work for him for several months. He said that he couldn't let his workmates down and would be in next Monday.

Now the golden rule during all of these stories was that no one contested the stories. We all knew they were nonsense but they were so funny that no one wanted to stop the magic. On all other occasions as crazy a the stories were, there was no actual proof that they didn't happen. On this occasion one engineer said " I've always wanted to see a shark attack wound ... Let's have a look at your leg ". Oh no ... the room went silent. What was this bloke thinking? The story teller explained that the docs had said to keep the leg covered. This other guy kept insisting. So ... to our surprise, he lifted his foot onto a desk and started to lift up his trouser leg. What was going to happen? Well he lifted his trouser up to the knee exposing a perfectly normal and healthy lower leg. The room was silent. I was expecting him to suddenly burst out laughing and exclaim " HA HA HA I've had you guys going for the last few months with these crazy stories " and we'd all fall about laughing.

Instead, he used the tip of his index finger to point out the various details ... " You can see the teeth marks there and there and there ... and that's the line where my calf was sewn back on ... and there are all the stitch marks ... the doctors were amazed at my healing rate ". There was absolutely nothing there. He'd continued with the story despite him being undone ... the story remained real in his mind. He pulled down his trouser leg and hobbled out of the room on his stick. I think that's when we realised he wasn't just a bulls hitter ... he really wasn't quite right.