Originally Posted by
Craig-P
Where do I start?!
I used to work in pubs so I’ve heard a good few claims and tall tales (I’ve heard a few at the springer bash too but I’ll keep that quiet). I also used to teach kickboxing and have heard some cracking, ‘hardman’ tales from the doormen who used to come to learn holds and locks - not surprisingly, a lot of these types owned ‘dead powerful guns’.
Once chatted to a guy who told me his ‘Vorrich WH35’ (in 2.2 caliber) used a mainspring from an L1A1 SLR and was so powerful that it broke the spines of rabbits.
I was once told, “I’ve never used a scope in my life. I can rangefind to within six inches by eye, up to two hundred metres...”
“I can sharpen a knife really well. I used to demonstrate how sharp they were by dropping a single hair onto the blade and watching it slice it in two. By the end of the night the bar looked like a barbers shop as I’d done it so many times....”
“Feel that? Feel how much it kicks? That’s when you know you’ve got a good rifle - when they don’t kick much you shouldn’t buy them...”
“Watch what you’re doing with them rats. A bloke I used to know once fell into the canal up the road and the rats had him. They found what was left of him a few days later...”
Someone claiming to have modified a Co2 pistol, “off the Sunday market” to such a degree that it fired solid bullet heads and would blow out car tyres. The MOD came and took it away though...
I’ve met so many people who claim to be ex-snipers and ex-SAS.
My favourite remains as Bob.
(I have to build the scene a bit to create a picture of Bob).
There was industrial estate that backed onto the woods where we used to play as kids. Bob used to run a cafe (dilapidated static caravan, thick of grease and families of stray cats living underneath) from this estate.
Bob was about fifty at the time, his waistline probably measured around the same figure. We never saw him in any different clothing to the heavily stained ‘chefs whites’ that he used to wear, which looked like he’d fixed a few cars in. Forty a day Bob used to get stuck into the lager around 9am and was usually half pissed by 2pm.
We used to go in to Bobs to have a giggle and buy cans of coke (we wouldn’t touch anything that wasn’t sealed, even though Bob used to offer us opened cans that he’d, “just had a quick swing out of”, for half price).
One day, Bob told us to gather round the Formica counter and whilst looking over his shoulder to check he wasn’t being overheard, told the following.
“Shouldn’t tell you this as the boyos are still after me, I’m still on their list - but you’re good lads so I’ll trust you. Do you remember the Iranian Embassy stuff that was on the telly? Remember that one SAS bloke who abseiled down and swung in through the window and shot everybody? Well that was me that was - but don’t tell anyone, ok?”
We left with our (unopened) cans and fits of laughter trying to burst out.
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