Originally Posted by
VALE BOY
As some of you may have read already I made a contribution ( more like War and Peace, I reckon) on page 2 of this thread. However I thought I'd chuck in a couple of 'collection' stories , both involving public transport which may be of interest which shouldn't require you to have a flask of soup and sandwiches to sustain you whilst reading it.
In the summer of 2015 I bought a load (25) tins of Milbro Caledonian .177 pellets which were located in Kirkudbright on the Solway Firth in the South of Scotland about 110 miles away from me. As it would incur a daft price to post them which detracts from the bargain price of £2 a tin I thought that as I'm of that certain age I'll use my bus pass which gives free travel.
So I left home about 9.45am and 4 bus journeys later I was in Kirkudbright for about 2pm. Had about an hour to wait for the return bus to Castle Douglas so I had time to sample the local bakers scotch and macaroni pies. That's a bit of a quest for me in my travels...seeking out the best pies and fish suppers in different localities.
Anyway the connecting buses on the way back fortunately 'dovetailed' neatly and I was back home about 7.45.. A bit of a toil I suppose, 220 mile round trip using 8 buses but as I regarded it as a 'Day Oot' and as the weather was fine with good scenery to view, it was no hardship. However, in the 10 hours or so to complete that journey, it's a bit ironic to think I could've flown to Bombay or thereabouts.
The next journey was a right funny one as it turned out and fortunately I can laugh at myself for making such a blunder as you'll duly hear.
In April 2015 I stopped over with friends in Crookes up on the hill on the west side of Sheffield for a couple of days on my way down to the Boinger Bash. A day or two beforehand I'd agreed to buy about 2,500 .20 pellets from a fella on our Forum who lived in Kilnhurst road, Rawmarsh on the far side of Rotherham from Crookes. These address details are crucial to the story as you'll soon hear.
So I looked on the road atlas and it was about a 20 mile return journey by car .. But I thought , jeez, I'm doing enough driving as it is.. I'll just use the buses and see a bit of Sheffield and roundabout at the same time. So at dinner, on the night before the trip I spoke to Stuart and Amanda about my intended trip and I asked Stuart whereabouts was the district he worked at the steel works. He told me that it was Killimarsh and I said, "Ya Beauty, that's where I'm headed tomorrow"! I'd mixed up KILNhurst road with rawMARSH and got Killimarsh without realising I'd made a mistake!!
So I phoned Sean who was selling the pellets and he said around 1pm was a good time to come over.
The following morning I set off with Stuart in his van at 8am knowing I had tons of time to spare but as I had my camera with me there would be no problem filling out the time. Famous last words!!
Due to the fact it was such a beautiful sunny morning, with the sun on the left of us after about 5 miles we were heading south to Killimarsh I thought, that's a bit strange I should be headed east to the far side of Rotherham.
It was then I realised that it should be Rawmarsh where I should be going and not Killimarsh .. Numpty!
So bidding farewell to Stuart at the Steelworks in Killimarsh at about 8.45am I checked my phone maps to discover that Rawmarsh was about 15 miles away and that was by car, going direct. So after an
all-day breakfast in the local greasy spoon ( where there are 2 types of "all-day breakfasts" distinguished by the number of ingredients.. The smaller one is called a "Number 1" and the bigger one is a "Number 2") I was sitting there near the counter hoping that someone would come in and ask for a "Number 2"! It's amazing how schoolday's humour never leaves you!
So the next stage was a bus journey from Killimarsh to Crystal Peaks. What a name! I immediately thought of that weird American TV series "Twin Peaks" and I thought I was travelling into uncharted territory. So I bought the all-day ticket for a fiver as I knew there was going to be a few buses involved. Change of buses at Crystal Peaks took me to the depot at Rotherham for about 12 noon. Then a Doncaster bound bus took me in the direction of Rawmarsh leaving me a 3/4 mile walk to Seans place. There was a wee bakery adjacent to his flat so I thought I'd give it a try ( remember my comments above in the previous story ) so I bought a few cup cakes, and stuff to take into Sean's for a cuppa tea and a box of cupcakes to take back to Stuart and Amanda's. The quality was amazing and it's so typical of small independent bakers and other types of small shops are so much better than the corporate chain shops that dominate our towns. By the way, it's called Levertons, if I remember correctly... So if any of you reading this, happen to be in the area, well, it's worth a vist if your looking for some decent scran!
A few yards from the shop to Seans, and I was there for just after 1pm ...
Had a cupla cups o' tea and a blether about airguns at Sean's then set off for the return journey about 2 and I only got a few yards past the bakers when I was dying for a "single fish" as we call it up here!
I had no option to go into William Hills the Bookies to use their toilet and after performing the necessary I slipped near the door on the way out and the manager instantly came into the loo to see if I was ok. He helped me up and took me over to the counter and his assistant gave me a cup of tea and a biscuit! ...Jeez, I was feeling bit guilty by now, just going in to use their loo, so I felt obliged to place a bet...something I very seldom do, maybe the occasional Grand National! So there was a horse race in Brighton about to start so I picked a couple of horses that I fancied and at the same time placed a bet on a dog race in Newcastle I think. Total bet placed of about 3 quid and I watched both my bets come into win at roughly the same time. Couldnae believe it so when I collected my winnings of about 9 quid the 'profit' covered the 5 quid for the all-day bus ticket. I had a good laugh with the manager and his assistant when I revealed I had only come in to use the loo! She then gave me another cuppa tea to 'celebrate' my win and I bade them a grateful farewell.
So a nice walk in the sunshine to get the bus into the big Depot in Sheffield near the Meadowhall shopping complex. From there it was another 2 buses up to Crookes and a walk to get back to Stuart and Amanda's just in time for dinner at 7pm.
So what could have been a 20 mile round trip by car, taking maybe an hour and a half became a 52 mile, 11 hour journey, using a van, six buses, a couple of miles walking, several cups o' tea and a winning bet on the horses and the dugs! An Odyssey that Gulliver would have been proud of!
All because of my confusion with the names and me 'jumping to conclusions.
At the end of my previous post I concluded with a wee joke and I said I'd tell a better one further on down the line. So here it is....
"A wee Scotsman boarded a plane in San Francisco and was delighted when the vacant seat beside him was taken by a beautiful, well-upholstered, long legged young woman. Eager to strike up a conversation he said to her "Business trip or Pleasure?"
She smiled and said "Business... I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs Convention in London.
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of Nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked.."What's your business at the Convention?
"Lecturer", she responded, "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.
"Really?" the wee Scotsman replied.."And what kind of myths are these?".
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in actual fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Irish!"
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable revealing all this information and she blushed.. "I'm sorry", she said, "I shouldn't really be divulging all of this with you and I don't even know your name!" ��
"Tonto", the wee man said.. "Tonto MacTavish, but all my friends call me Paddy!"
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The Proclaimer
the missus is going to go nuts
, but will read this later, Graeme.
I don't know where you get 'em from, but keep 'em coming!
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